Should Black Men Only Date Black Women?

If you just watched this video, then, like me, you were probably thinking “Who the hell is this man?!” So, I did a little research. His name is Dr. Umar Johnson and he has dubbed himself as the Prince of Pan Africanism.  According to Wikipedia, Dr. Umar Johnson is a Doctor of Clinical Psychology and Certified School Psychologist who specializes in working with the parents of African-American children who receive special education and/or are diagnosed with disruptive behavior disorders. Dr. Umar obviously has a lot of strong opinions about issues in the Black community, and is not afraid of offending anyone while voicing them. For that reason, he has gained a lot of supporters, but just as many critics along the way.

The question on the table in this discussion is whether Black men should date outside of their race. If you watched the video, then you know that Dr. Umar is opposed to it. While I do think the core of this message is unfair, I must admit that he made some valid points. He mentioned that other races traditionally only date within their race and it is not looked down upon in their communities, but rather upheld. There is certainly some fact to this statement and I know this because I experienced it. The guy I dated in high school and a good part of college was Arabic. His father was from Palestine and his mother was from Jerusalem. He and I were very much in love and dated for about 6 years. We decided to part ways many years ago for a few reasons, but the most evident reason was that his family was opposed to him not marrying an Arabic girl. And to his family, that was normal. To anyone in their Arabic community, his family’s concerns were completely logical and his family was doing the right thing by opposing our relationship. At the time, I couldn’t understand it. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t be with the person that he loved, regardless of whether they were black, blue, red, or green. I was confused and I was angry. But over time, I let it go and accepted that God had already reserved what he knew was best for me. And I was right.

So, I agree with Dr. Umar that other races have made it an expectation to only date within their race and it is accepted because it’s their “culture.” I still don’t think it is fair, but I know that it happens and it is much more customary in their communities.

I would be lying if I said that my heart doesn’t smile when I see a Black man uplifting an honoring a Black woman. When a Black man makes a mother and a wife out of the woman that came from his rib. I love to see Black parents raising beautiful Black kings and queens. So, make no mistake about it, I LOVE Black love. And I will never feel bad about that. Ever!! My issue is not with Black men that date outside of their race. By any means, be with the person that your heart desires. My issue is with Black men that refuse to date a woman that looks like their mother or their sister. My issue is with Black men that refuse to date Black women, because they feel that other races are superior. Or because Black women are too strong, or too loud, or too bossy, or too independent, or too attitudinal, or too confrontational. These are the men that I have an issue with, but that’s another topic for another day.

Above all things, love has no color. I’m a strong believer that the heart wants what the heart wants and nothing on this earth should interfere with that. Although many of us are guilty of this (myself included), I think it is unfair to make someone feel like they betrayed their race by marrying someone that doesn’t look like them. As a human being, you should be able to love (and marry) whoever the hell you please because you have that right! So, I end with this: “Love is blind, despite the world’s attempt to give it eyes.” What are your thoughts on this video? Comment below.

Xoxo,

Consuella ♥

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7 comments

  1. (Ctrl + V) Heck No! If all would need to marry only within race, we might as well go back to the 1950’s and segregation. Too many fought and died to remove those lines. Plus, how can people feel that “their men” or “their woman” are being stolen from a different race when they were never theirs to begin with? Anyway…that is all.

  2. First of all, hey Courtney! I agree with everything you said. I’m a firm believer that love has no discrimination. Like you said, the heart wants what the heart wants. On the topic of other races not dating outside of their own, that stems from where they are from. If you go to other countries, there aren’t other races where these people come from. If you go to China, majority of people are Chinese. If you go to Palestine, majority of the people are Palestinian. America is the only country where so many races and religions coexist. So there’s much more choices for one to date. Now about his other point. Who am I to tell me child he/she can only date this person or that person? I couldn’t even fathom putting parameters on love for my children. Just doesn’t seem fair. The example he used was a white woman not understanding a black man’s struggle. I believe this is is wrong because one can UNDERSTAND an African Americans struggle but one cannot say I know what that FEELS like. Anyone can understand it doesn’t feel good or that it makes you feel degraded for a white cop to pull you over just because of your skin color. But for said person to say I know what you feel like, then of course that is incorrect. I’m all honesty, I just feel like this was one of his more outlandish arguments.

    1. Hey Jarvis!! Thanks for reading and commenting. Great outlook, by the way! I think our views on this topic are pretty much aligned.

  3. Being a woman of “dark” color my views are pretty biased. Malcom X stated “The most disrespected woman in America, is the black woman. The most un-protected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America, is the black woman.” Over 50 years later, I believe this quote to still be true and is reinforced when Black men date women that are not Black.

    If a man dates an “other” and truly loves her than so be it. I believe the problem arises when men say “I don’t like Black women because they (insert a negative stereotype that reiterates self hate)”.

    so back to your original question, “ONLY” is such a strong word so no I do not believe Black men should ONLY date Black women. In general, we should all date/love/marry whomever we like regardless of gender/race.

    1. Ashley,
      I, too, am a woman of dark color and I have to say I echo your sentiments. I think the problem really is Black men that “don’t date” Black women for whatever reason they’ve conditioned themselves to believe is okay. So long as your “preference” isn’t a product of self hate, I do believe that you should love and marry whomever you desire, regardless of race.

      Xoxo,
      Courtney Consuella

  4. There is no issue with black men dating outside of their race. The issue arises when they are disrespecting black women or acting like other races are more superior than black women. That self hate is really evident when they do that!

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