You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cup

My alarm goes off at 6am. I hit snooze until about 6:15am. I wake up and check my email and respond to those that need immediate attention. I get out of bed, I shower, I brush my teeth. I rummage through my closet and find something to put on. I lay Sanai’s clothes out for Richard to dress her. I go down stairs and get her bag ready for school. I come back upstairs and do my makeup. Richard gets ready. We leave the house. We drop Sanai off to school. We go to work. Richard works overtime. I work all day. I stumble out of the office. I pray there isn’t too much rush hour traffic so I can pick Sanai up from school on time. I cringe when I get there and she’s the last baby to be picked up. I get home. I play with Sanai. I feed her and get her ready for bed. I tidy up. I make dinner. Richard comes home. We eat. We watch a TV show. We shower. We go to bed. My alarm goes off at 6am.

This is my life. This is my routine. This is what I do. Every. Single. Day. And yes, it gets exhausting. I get in a space where I feel like everything I do is for everyone else, but nothing is really for Courtney. 100% of the time, I am so focused on Sanai having everything she needs. Is she developing how she should be? Am I playing with her enough? Am I reading to her enough? Am I practicing walking with her enough? Is she independent enough? Then I think about Richard. What am I going to cook for dinner? Did I meal prep enough food for him to eat throughout the week? Did I pick my dress up off the bathroom floor? Am I showing him enough affection? Are we having sex enough? Then I think about work. Did I respond to that email? Did I ship that Atlanta promotional material to my client? Did I send out the event memo? Did I send off the permit for the street pole banners? Did I finish the Super Bowl Venue Catalog? All of these thoughts consume my mind. But you know what doesn’t consume my mind? Have you done anything lately for Courtney??

I’ve found that as women, we are so conditioned to carry the weight of the world. We answer all the questions, we fix all the problems, we right all the wrongs. We do everything in our power to make sure those around us are taken care of, often forgetting to take care of ourselves. I haven’t been on a vacation in over 2 years. I haven’t had a full day completely to myself since before Sanai was born. There’s this new spa that I want to try. There’s this vineyard I’ve been dying to go to. There’s this restaurant I’ve been hearing about. And I would kill to even dip my toe in some sand at a beach. At this rate, any beach would suffice. But I haven’t even begun to plan out any of these things because I’m so focused on how it will affect those around me. Will my sitter be available? Can Richard take the time off to watch Sanai? Will he be offended if I say I just want a weekend alone? Is my work schedule going to be too busy? Do I have a major group coming in town? All of these things stop me from doing what I really want to do for Courtney. To trick my mind, I’ll treat myself to some home decor or some fall scented candles and call that “self care.” Yes, you read right. The only thing I’ve treated myself to are some damn candles. Now I have enough candles to last me all year…and I still feel empty.

I want to go somewhere. I want to do something. I want to just pretend like I’m the only person in my world, just for a weekend. Does that make me a bad mom? Does that make me a bad girlfriend? I used to think so. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. Taking care of myself allows for me to take care of my family. A happy Courtney equals a happy Richard and a happy Sanai. I cant give my family the love, support, and nurturing they need if my cup isn’t full. The bottom line is simple: YOU CAN’T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP. You have to take care of you before you can take care of someone else, children and spouses included. So at some point in the very near future, I’m going to plan something for me. I’m not going to think about it too much, I’m just going to do it. And I’ll be happy. And my family will be happy. And life will be good. Scratch that, life is already good…so life will be great!

Here’s my challenge to my ladies: Go do something for YOU! Go on vacation. Splurge on a bag. Buy some new makeup. Try a new restaurant. Go on a girls trip. Do something. Do anything. Anything that makes you feel full. That way you have enough to give your loved ones…and enough for yourself too.

Xoxo,

Consuella ♥

 

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41 comments

  1. I continuously read like I know how she feel. You made me feel as if I was reading about my life. And I’m most definitely going to plan a girls trip!!
    I love it real moms can relate 100 percent .

  2. Ironically I just ha this conversation with a group member… the only time I truly have time for myself is about 4am when I wake up in the middle of the night… thats when I use my time to reread messages and think thoughts that I didn’t get a chance to associate feelings with because I was too busy at the time… I think the we know what we need to do!

  3. this is me you just said my whole life sometimes i feel like im drowning its like i feel i see no fruits of my labor because everything i do is for everyone else and nothing is really to benefit just Amber the woman girl this was a great read.

  4. Many times we as mothers are thrown into the guilt trip because we would like to take time out and do things for ourselves. We’re constantly ridiculed. We can’t have a moment alone, we can’t be sexy, our lives belongs to our kids and spouses, etc. No more! I try to make it a habit to do something for myself at least once a month. It’s so easy to put everyone and everything else before yourself. Next thing you know you’re burned out. I’ve had that feeling for some time now. Thank you for placing this message on our hearts and minds

    1. Thanks so much for reading. And doing something for myself once a month sounds like something I should start doing!

  5. Lawddddd! You just read my life Courtney! I am in this same position and honestly have been for most of my life, always taking care of everyone else and neglecting Jaz big time! I try to do little things here and there to show myself some appreciation but I always find myself feeling bad for it! The struggle is so real!! I’m going to take you up on one of those ideas and just do something for me and I mean like ASAP! Loving this blog boo 😘

    1. Thank you so much for reading, I appreciate your support. And yes, definitely find something to do for yourself…and do it often!

  6. You have described the ideal phenomenal woman with a touch of overachievement. When you get older you will find that a girl’s trip, night out or a vacation still won’t give you the inner peace required to be okay if you don’t achieve all that you have planned. One day you will find that peace, quiet and sanity are far more valuable than a vacation. To wake up from a long and overdue sleep and not desire to assault anyone needing you to do anything for them and is far more precious than a girl’s trip.
    Thankfully you’re not older so enjoy all the girl trips, nights out and vacations that you can.

  7. Ok… a whole guy here. Everything you said is SPOT ON. Perfect title because that’s exactly what’s happening here. I can only speak for the guy in this situation and say that I’m sure he won’t be offended. A King needs his Queen to be happy, pampered, and rested to be at her best. One weekend away could rejuvenate the entire energy in the household for a long time. Richard might not be a fan at first, but with thorough communication he will be understanding. His protective nature might not like it, you being away alone, but he’ll come around and be cool. I vote “YES”, get away ASAP. Somewhere hot, with a beach, and some Jack Honey. Lol.

    1. Corey!! Thanks for reading. Your comment made me smile. Richard actually read before I posted, and he’s all for it. So yay! And you know the Jack Honey will be very close lol

  8. It’s so important to take care of yourself first! When you are happy you can take care of others close to you! Yes girl make sure to treat yourself! You deserve it ❤️❤️

    1. I’m definitely getting better at taking care of ME. And my family is going to thank me for it. Thanks so much for reading, love.
      Xo,
      Consuella

  9. Brandon just got on me last night about self care !! Lol becoming a mommy pushed me all the back and him all the front! Although I don’t work outside of the home as much as you it’s very important to still make sure my cup is full to be able to pour out into others. Great read Court per usual 💜

    1. Thanks so much for reading Trina. And yes love, make sure you carve out some time for you! 🙂
      Xo,
      Consuella

  10. Wow, I can relate. Although I’m not a mom, being a college student with two jobs, two leadership positions in student organizations, and a dog is a lot to juggle. I can barely keep up! But self-care is so important. Keep up the hard work! You’re doing great!

    1. Wow, sounds like you do have a lot to juggle. I have faith that you will figure it all out. I hope in the midst of being a superwoman that you take some time for yourself. Thank you fr reading.
      Xo,
      Consuella

  11. I love that motto and it’s so true that you can’t give of yourself if you have nothing left to give. I am going to have to think about doing something for myself.. I am great at giving this advice but it can be difficult for me to do something just for myself. Thank you for the reminder!

  12. The quote made me really curious! Really wanted to know what you would connect to it. And you are right, sometimes we are so busy saving others that we don’t realize that we are drowning ourselves.

  13. AH! I love this post soooo much! The fact that you could just pour yourself onto this page and be so vulnerable in expressing this is really admirable. I have been feeling like this lately as well myself, but instead of a child, I have patients, lol. Being a mom is the most underpaid exhausting work from what I have read, but in the end your dedication will pay off whenever she says she loves you 🙂 PS- you are so pretty & totally jealous of that long hair!

    1. OMG, will you stop it… you just made my day! 🙂 I bet you can totally relate to this, even with your patients. We’re human and these feelings are normal. I try to be as vulnerable and open as possible on my page so I can really connect with my readers. I hope you stay tuned. Thanks so much for reading.
      Xo,
      Consuella

  14. I have literally spent every Sunday for the last 4 weeks “refilling my cup” and it has been so helpful. It’s so easily to become drained and not even really know until you have some sort of crash. Really important to keep in mind, was a great read!

    1. I’m glad you’ve committed to keeping your cup full- it’s so important! Thank you for reading.
      Xo,
      Consuella

  15. This is perfect. You are so right! I don’t now if your job is flexible or not but sometimes I just like to take a 1/2 day from work and spend a few hours in the afternoon doing something for ME. Whether that’s shopping, reading in a park or something or just take my dog on a run. Mental health is SO important and taking care of yourself will only make you the best you can be to help others and do everything that you want to do. I was worried that my boyfriend would be offended if I said I wanted to be alone but it was the opposite. Turns out he also wanted time for himself. I think if you just talk about it, you two might find that you both want to have some “ME” time 🙂

    1. You are so right. My boyfriend was totally okay with it and encourages me to have “me” time more often. My job is quite flexible, so if need be, I can definitely take a day just for me. Thanks so much for reading,
      Xo,
      Consuella

  16. Fantastic post, I can totally relate (also have 3 kiddos-so the chaos is multiplied); going to the bathroom by myself is my self-care time sometimes 🙂 Great writing and insight, thank you for sharing!!!

  17. I can’t relate 100% as I’m not a mother, but I have family members who are somewhat dependent on me and I have often experienced these feelings of ‘guilt’ for wanting to do something for myself! This was definitely a much needed and timely post! Thank you so much for sharing!

    1. Thank you so much for reading. And I hope you will do something for yourself soon 🙂
      Xo,
      Consuella

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