Often times, I find myself always wanting more. I know you’re probably thinking “you should always want more,” and that’s true, but at some point, you have to stop wanting for just a second and be grateful for what you have.
I’m going to be all the way transparent while I write this post, so please open your heart and bear with me. Last year was a very rough year for me– quite possibly the most difficult year of my life. From financial hardships, to issues within my relationship, to my faith in God completely depleting, I even questioned whether I was ready to be a mother- it was definitely a trying time. Aside from the birth of my daughter, I literally wanted to erase the entire 2016 from my life and not think twice. So I prayed. And I cried. And I prayed and I cried. I got on my knees and begged God for a better year. And he gave me just that. But before I get there, I want to talk about my aha! moment.
After taking some time to dissect my situation, I realized I was a part of the problem. Things happen in life- but your outlook/ perspective is a game changer. Not realizing it, I literally found the bad in every single thing that happened to me. I remember one month last year I got hit with bills from all over the place all at one time. I was preparing to get some things for the baby, as I was about 5 months pregnant at the time. I had just gotten paid and within two days I had $95 of my check left. I literally spent a couple thousand dollars in two days on unexpected bills and had to survive on $95 for the next two weeks without tapping into my savings. I had just worked my ass off and my whole paycheck was gone. I was pissed. As I’m checking out at the grocery store, there was a woman in front of me with two children- one on her hip and one on holding on to her leg. She was taking quite a while to checkout and I was growing impatient. I glanced over at the items she had- milk, cheese, sandwich meat, bread, and a box of cereal. All of a sudden I heard the child that was standing say “just get the bread and cheese mom, we don’t need the bologna.” The mother held back tears as she removed the sandwich meat and the cereal off the counter. In that moment, I cursed myself. How could I be so ungrateful? I just spent my whole paycheck paying for things I needed to take care of, but I had a check to spend! My rent was paid, my lights were on, I had food in my house and clothes on my back, but I still found a reason to complain. In the next two weeks, I would have another check, but I still found a reason to complain. I was so angry at myself. I paid for the woman’s food, got cash back, and gave her the last $40 I had. In that moment, I realized that God will never bless me with anything better if I can’t be grateful for the things I have now. My mom once told me “you complain about having no shoes, and then you meet a man with no feet.” I experienced that first hand and it changed my life.
Over the next few months, I challenged myself to change my outlook and perspective on life. More importantly to restore my faith and to lead with a grateful heart. By the end of 2016, my savings was depleted, my credit score had dropped, my house hunting was a fail, and I had to return to work after maternity leave. But I was determined to do my part in seeing the good. Going into 2017, my number one resolution was to thank God for all things- even the bad, because somewhere down the line, it would lead to a breakthrough. My boyfriend Richard was so vital in my life change. He opened my eyes to a whole different level of faith I didn’t even know existed. He got on his knees every single night, even when I refused to. He prayed for us and lifted me up and was the best father and partner I could have asked for. He made it impossible for me to ever question if God was real because I saw God’s work every time I looked at my family.
Fast forward to today. Life is good. We closed on our home in March, I bought a new car 3 days later, my beautiful daughter is celebrating one year in less than two months, and I finally launched Cup of Consuella, which has been a dream I’ve kept inside for so long. I’ve started to rebuild my savings, my credit score is climbing back to where it once was, I’ve lost almost all of my baby weight, and I finally got a personal Amex! I know it’s silly, but that’s been a personal goal of mine, lol. Becoming a mother has changed my life completely and I don’t even know how I lived before Sanai. I’m still not exactly where I want to be, yet I am completely content. For the first time in a long time, I’m actually so happy with life and my cup isn’t just half full, it’s overflowing! I now believe in miracles. And hopefully its clear that I’m not saying any of these things to boast. I’m saying this because I never even imagined my life would turn around in the time that it did. And I can honestly say its because I learned to be grateful for what I had, even if it wasn’t what I wanted. I hope that this post encourages you to take a moment and bask in what you do have. Always keep in mind that your nightmare could be someone else’s fairy-tale. If you’re going through anything at all, try to see the good- there is always a silver lining. Above all things and at all times, be grateful. The saying is true: “A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles.”